Duck Duck Cougar?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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