im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
