Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
