I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
