Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
