if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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