I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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