i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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