Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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