oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
