I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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