It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
