College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
