my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
