I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
