yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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