im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
