She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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