i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
