you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize