I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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