she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
