you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
