Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.