So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...