Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
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Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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