I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.