Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(920): View more from Wisconsin

Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool

Fav 10 1080 2314
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.

Fav 14 3863 969
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(405): View more from Oklahoma

You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.

Fav 4 2595 1072
share tweet
(865): View more from Tennessee

that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.

Fav 41 1466 6104
share tweet
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(213): View more from California

How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.

Fav 15 4025 1127
share tweet
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.

Fav 32 11955 1696
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(856): View more from New Jersey

It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.

Fav 10 3299 1264
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(872): View more from Illinois

i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.

Fav 4 1078 459
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.

Fav 0 193 61
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT