Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
