i wish my penis had a tongue
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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