Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
