Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
