she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
