omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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