Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
