I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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