your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
