Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My ass is underappreciated
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
