...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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