the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
