Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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