You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
