Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He passed out mid-signature
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
