so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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