shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
