a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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