Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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