the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
