were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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