Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
