We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
