Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
