I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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