You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
