Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
