SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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