What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
