I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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