she was so not down for the gang bang
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
