I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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