Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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